AKA The Series Finale!
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“Porpoise With a Purpose”
“The Penguins of Madagascar”
Season 4 Episode 8 (4X08)
Production Code: 408
Previous: “Crazy Old Cat Lady”
Next: N/A
focena With a Purpose/Transcript
Scene I: pinguino HQ (Inside)
(Kowalski is lying of his back. Sighs sadly)
Skipper: (Enters the HQ from the hatch, climbs down the ladder, and waddles over to Kowalski’s bunk) Come on, soldier! It’s almost time for the zoo to open! We still haven’t trained yet, so get up.
(Kowalski sighs dramatically, and rolls over on his back)
(Skipper taps his foot impatiently and clears his throat)
Skipper: Kowalski, I gave te a direct order. Do te need a definition of a direct order? (Grabs him da the feet and drags him out of the bunk)
(Strained) Now (drags) let’s (drags) move! (drags him to the base of the ladder)
Kowalski: (Muffled) I don’t feel like moving ever again!
Skipper: What was that, soldier?
Kowalski: (Raises his head) I detto I don’t feel like moving ever again! (Sniffles and voice breaks) Doris is so far away from me! I miss her so much!
(Starts sobbing loudly as Skipper forces him in an upright position. Kowalski blows his beak on Skipper’s flippers)
Skipper: (Recoils and flicks his flipper clean) Our schedule is free tonight. We’ll go and see Doris….AFTER we make up for the training we missed this morning!
Kowalski: (Sniffles. Visibly brightens up) R-really? You’d do that for me?
Skipper: (Sighs) Kowalski… this team is an elite unit of feathered fighters! We can’t function as a whole if we have a sad-sack on the team. Besides, I can’t stand to see any of my men down in the dumps. (Starts to climb up the ladder) Now, come on. We have some humans to entertain!
Scene 2: The pinguino Habitat (Topside)
(The crowd tosses handfuls of fish, showering the penguins in a mountain of fish. Their heads pop out of the pile. Rico begins devouring most of the pesce while Kowalski’s expression turns melancholy)
Kowalski: (Sighs sadly) Atlantic Salmon….(Sniffles) Doris’ favorite.
Skipper: (Exasperated) Oh, for the Amore of-! It’s not like Doris is dead! She’s just one borough away! te call her every day!
Kowalski: (Eye twitches) She hasn’t returned my calls in two hours! (Strangled) Two…whole …hours! (Throws his flippers up in the air, melodramatically) Something must be wrong!
(Private and Rico share glances. Rico shrugs and noisily guzzles down più fish)
Private: Well, maybe te should try calling her-
Kowalski: (Cuts him off) (With a crazed look in his eyes) No!! (Shakes him da the shoulders) Something’s happened! I know it!
Skipper: (Annoyed) Fine! We’ll visit as soon as the zoo closes! Happy now?
Kowalski: (Gives Skipper a crushing hug) Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
Skipper: (Strained) Let…go…now. I…….can’t breathe.
Kowalski: (Lets Skipper drop to the ground) Sorry. Heheh…..
Scene 3: Seaville AquaFun Park
(The camera follows the penguins belly-sliding behind the night watchmen)
Private: (Quavers slightly) So much for us never coming back here again.
Skipper: Well, we wouldn’t be here right now if Mr. Clingy over there wasn’t worried sick because Doris doesn’t call him every five seconds! (Grumbles) I’m getting sick of hearing (Imitates Kowalski) “You hang up the phone!” (Imitates Doris) “No, te hang up the phone!” (Imitates Kowalski) “No, te hand up the phone!” every night, too.
(They all anatra behind a trashcan as a security guard walks by)
Kowalski: (Whispers) There’s something wrong here, I feel it in my gut! Don’t te always say to trust your gut?
Skipper: That only applies to pinguino leaders, Kowalski, and I-
(Doris’ giggling is heard in the distance)
Doris: (From off-screen) I forgot how funny te are! You’re making me crack up! (Giggles)
Kowalski: (Gets a horrified look on his face) C-could she be dating someone else at the same time??
Private: (Consolingly) I’m sure that’s not the case, Kowalski. Let’s just go and see what’s going on.
(They belly slide towards the delfino Habitat, where Doris, Dr. Blowhole, and a stranger, whose face is shadowed, obscuring his features, are propped up, leaning against the edges of the pool)
Blowhole: It’s a shame te two had to break up. I really thought that te would- (He notices the Penguins, and nearly chokes on the pesce he was about to swallow)
(Doris and the Stranger turn to see what Blowhole was looking at)
The Stranger: (In a chattery, squeaky voice) Aren’t te going to introduce us to your friends, Francis?
Blowhole: (Strained) (Seething with fury) They’re not my friends. They’re my arch nemeses.
Doris: ciao guys! Kowalski, sweetie, I missed you!
(Kowalski lets out an odd wheezing exhale)
Doris: (Glances, bewildered, at Kowalski, and then realizes what’s wrong) Oh! te thought that…(She bursts out laughing) Kowalski. Boys, this is Doug, my ex boyfriend. He dropped da for a visit and Francis invited him over for dinner.
Rico: Wa’ he the one who wa’ ugly on the inside?
Kowalski: (Glaring at Doug with loathing and jealousy) (Coldly) No, that was Harry the octopus who was ugly on the inside. If te were there for my rant while Parker was present, te would know that-
Skipper: (Cuts him off) (Turns to Doris) Back up here, sister. There’s absolutely nothing going on here? He’s just a friend, right?
Doris: Of course! I’m dating Kowalski! And what a catch he is! (Doris pulls him on for a quick smooch. The camera pans to the other penguins’ grossed-out expressions) (Rico goes off-screen and is heard vomiting. He stumbles back looking sick to his stomach, clutching a flipperload of rubber ducks)
Doug: (To Blowhole) I can’t believe they finally ended up together.
Blowhole: I can’t either. My baby sister and one of my worst enemies dating, practically married. Talk about awkward.
Doug: (To Doris and Kowalski) How DID te two end up together?
Doris: It’s a long story, and I don’t want to go into it now, considering I JUST forgave Frankie for nearly talking over the world.
Skipper: (Grimaces disgustedly) Frankie?
Blowhole: Her childhood nickname for me. I suppose it’s better than “Flippy”. Ugh. SO glad I’m over that.
Doug: Wow. And I thought MY family was dysfunctional. (Casually) So, guys, when’s the wedding?
(Blowhole coughs and nearly does a spit-take. Skipper looks like he’s about to faint)
Skipper: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who detto anything about marriage?
Blowhole: Ne-never! The only way they’d EVER get married is over my dead body!
Skipper: (Glances at Blowhole) I think this is the first and only thing we’ve ever agreed on.
Doug: (Laughs awkwardly) What, are te guys not looking inoltrare, avanti to the family barbecues? The Thanksgiving dinners?
Doris: Ummm…… since when do I need anyone’s permission to marry the pinguino who loves me? Besides, if I was going to ask anyone, I’d ask Mom. She’s always detto yes to me.
Doug: (Jokingly) And if I remember right, Frankie over here was always scared of (Imitates Blowhole) “M-mother”.
(Skipper struggles to conceal a giggle)
Blowhole: (In a scared voice) T-the only think that scares me più than my highly irrational fear of turnips is M-mother when she gets into one of her states. (Cries out, nearly shrieking in panic) te don’t know what it’s like!!
(They all stare at Blowhole, who quickly regains his cool)
Skipper: (Awkwardly) We’ll just go. (Drags Kowalski away from Doris) See? There’s absolutely nothing wrong! Now, come on, Romeo, let’s let them enjoy their little party.
(While the penguins walk off in the distance, and Doris and Blowhole are bickering, Doug looks towards the camera)
Doug: (Expression changes to a sinister grin) Interesting……. VERY interesting
Scene 4: pinguino HQ (Inside)
Skipper: (Storms angrily into the HQ) I’m with te on this one, Kowalski. I do NOT like the way this is playing out!
Private: Besides that…. Blowhole sees us and doesn’t try to attack? How bizarre is that? Everything’s all topsy-turvy!
Kowalski: I still don’t trust Doug. I never have. Something has always seemed……off about him. Did te see how he and Doris-
Skipper: Forget him and Doris! It’s him and Blowhole I’m worried about! My pinguino senses were tingling big time with him! I think he’s hiding something!
Private: (Cautiously) Well….aside from the fact that he’s Doris’ ex boyfriend, what else could there be about him? Why would he want to hide anything? He could be just an average trick-performing porpoise.
Skipper: (Sarcastically) Sure he is! Just like Blowhole was your average trick-performing dolphin.
Kowalski: So what do we do? It’s not like we can just casually interrogate him to find out if he’s hiding anything.
Skipper: (Thinks carefully) I think…… I think I may know someone who can help us!
Scene 5: An Undisclosed Location
(The Penguins are belly-sliding in a nearly pitch-black tunnel, blindfolded)
Skipper: ….and turn right over here.
(They round a corner. They stop, stand up, and remove their blindfolds)
Skipper: (Furrows his brow in thought) Now what was that password?
Kowalski: Sir, if I may, why all the cloak-and- dagger secrecy? Is all this really necessary?
Skipper: My contact is the go-to guy for all things spy. He knows the secret identity of every spy, secret agent, double, triple, and even quadruple agent out there! He has eyes, ears, friends, enemies, frenemies and a contact in every city from here to Timbuktu! The secrecy is necessary for his own protection as well as ours!
(Private glances around nervously. Rico says “Boo!” and Private jumps in fright)
Rico: So where are we, Skippa’?
Skipper: Absolutely no idea! But my contact is everywhere and nowhere at the same time. If anyone can tell us anything about Doug the porpoise, he can!
(He waddles up to a round metal hatch, and knocks on it. A gruff voice from behind it asks, “Password?”)
Skipper: (Clears his throat) The password is “The Red Squirrel”.
(The door swings open with a screech, and dust rains down on the penguins as they step in)
(The door slams shut, throwing the small room into near-darkness)
(A flipper is shown grabbing a cord, and yanking it, turning on a lightbulb, revealing its owner to be none other than-)
Private, Kowalski and Rico: (In unison) Buck Rockgut??
Buck: (Plops on a beat-up swivel chair in front of a series of monitors where footage of Parker, Hans and Rhonda flicker occasionally) That’s right! I have intel on everybody who’s anybody in our line of work! So (he smirks) surprised to see me, cupcakes? Betcha didn’t expect me, huh? Let me tell you, if any one of te guys goes off your rockers, the therapy Headquarters offers is fantastic! Consider me back on my rocker!
(Rico grins lopsidedly. His tongue slips out, and he goes cross-eyed)
Skipper: Listen, Buck, we need your help. If anyone can tell us if this guy (Holds up a snapshot of Doug) is hiding anything, it’s you. This guy seems fishy, and we want to know what skeletons are in his closet.
(Buck takes the photo, grumbling. He studies it for a moment, and then drops it, spooked)
Buck: Y-you’re sure this is the guy?
Private: Yes. Why? Is something wrong, Mr. Rockgut?
(Buck dashes over to the computer and quickly types something in on the keyboard)
(A foto of Doug attached to several official-looking documents pops up on a large computer screen behind them. The penguins turn around to face it)
Buck: Douglas the porpoise, AKA “Doug” to his friends. Not the most original name for the most evil mammal in the world. Yeah, there’s someone even più evil than Blowhole out there. He’s also twice as dangerous, because he’s not an Evil Genius.
Rico: Ehhh…what is he?
Buck: (Doesn’t look up as he types something else into the computer) (A video screen pops up) He’s an Evil Idiot, which is MUCH più dangerous. Take a look at this. (Indicates the video footage) This was shot down here a few weeks fa when Douglas was released from the jail at the Headquarters for (air quotes) “Good behavior”.
(Buck presses the “play” button, and shows Buck and Doug in a darkened interrogation room)
Buck on the video: (Testily) Do te even have the slightest idea of what I just said?
Doug on the video: Not really. I don’t have a big vocabulary. Like, sometimes, I use big words I don’t understand to make myself seem più photosynthesis than I really am! But I DO know that you’re going to lose, and I’m gonna rule the world!!! (He laughs maniacally)
(Buck shuts the video off)
Buck: He’s worse than anything you’ve ever faced before. Dumb guys like that are easily provoked. He’s the most evil villain we’ve ever held captive. He’s the World’s Most Evil mammal in the World.
Kowalski: Um… isn’t that somewhat redundant?
Buck: Never mind about that. The point is: he’s dangerous.
Private: (Quavers) And since you’ve dealt with him before, you’re going to help us, right? (Panicked) Right?
Buck: (His head whips around towards Private. He chuckles) What are you, crazy? You’re on your own with this one! (Reaches for the cord, yanks it, and shuts off the light) Meeting adjourned.
(The room is thrown into total darkness)
Skipper: Rico, hand me a flashlight!
Rico: (The sound of him regurgitating a flashlight is heard) Here ya go!
(Skipper flicks the switch for the flashlight)
Private: (Cries out happily) Oh that’s much better!
Kowalski: Well, that whole thing was-
(A hatch opens beneath their feet. They fall through, screaming, which grown fainter as they fall deeper and deeper down)
Scene 6: pinguino HQ (Inside)
(A hatch in the Penguins’ floor opens up, and they are propelled through, in order, but fall clumsily into a pile. They get up, and dust themselves off)
Kowalski: We have to get Doris away from him! She’s in danger!
Skipper: Don’t te think I don’t know that?
Private: Well, do we have a plan?
(Kowalski opens his beak to say something, but closes it, implying he has nothing)
Private: te have nothing planned? The world needs to be saved…again…. And we don’t have a bloody plan?! We’re Team Penguin, for Lunacorn’s sake! We can’t just….just improvise! Think back to all the times we’ve gone into a villain’s lair doing random karate poses! We get captured, but some random unexpected thing happens and the giorno is saved! We can’t guarantee that that thing where the villain captures the Heroes and spells out his plan, and the Heroes escape and save the world will happen this time! This meanie is the baddest villain we’ve ever faced! We don’t know what he’s capable of! I don’t want to go in there and have nothing planned!
Skipper: (Stunned) I didn’t know te had that kind of fuoco in you, young Private. You’re right. We need a solid, absolutely foolproof plan that doesn’t involve us going in there, pistole blazing, and hope for the best. Now…. Let’s start planning on the best way to kick us some focena tail
Scene 7: Seaville AquaFun Park, Blowhole’s Secret Base
(Blowhole and Doug enter his empty lair on matching segways)
Blowhole: (Skeptically) Let me get this straight… you’re a villain? The so-called “World’s Most Evil mammal in the World”?
Doug: (Smirks) That’s right.
Blowhole: And te only dated Doris all those years fa to worm your way into my good graces so te could…could what? Try to ally yourself with me? o did te want to eventually backstab me?
Doug: I need a smart partner! I’m not that smart, and I have a REALLY short attention span, and I get distracted really easy, and I……(Stares, wide-eyed at Blowhole’s cybernetic eye) (Says in awe) …….Oohhh……shiny……I like shiny things! (Reaches out to touch it)
Blowhole: (Backs up nervously) Um….Doug? (Waves a flipper in front of Doug’s face) Doug? Hellooooo? Anyone home? (Chuckles nervously)
Doug: (Blinks) Huh…wha-? Oh. Sorry. I’m really distracted da shiny objects.
Blowhole: (Sarcastically) No! I had no idea!
Doug: (Doesn’t appear to understand the sarcasm) Oh yes. It’s one of my biggest problems. I also have trouble sticking to one subject and did te know tomatoes are fruits? I like mela, apple sauce.
Blowhole: (Face-flippers) Please tell me this is come sort of act. A ruse! A sham! Something! te /have/ to be faking this!! No one is really THIS idiotic! I can’t work with someone who’s like this! Not if you’re going to be staring at shiny things every five seconds!
Doug: I’m sorry, what did te say? I was staring at your Segway. It has lots of shiny buttons!
(Blowhole screams in frustration)
Scene 8: pinguino HQ (Inside)
(The HQ is strewn with papers, blueprints and some of Kowalski’s inventions> The Penguins are seated at the cinderblock table)
Skipper: We’ve exhausted every strategy we have. We’ve used every idea, every battle formation, every….everything that we have, and I think we’re finally ready I’m almost….Kowalski, what are our odds of success?
Kowalski: (Pulls out his abacus and randomly moves around a few beads) I’d say that we have a 75.369215 percent chance of defeating him.
Skipper: Then I’m 75.4 percent sure we can do this! Rico!
(Rico springs to attention and salutes)
Skipper: Do te have that distracto-ray of Kowalski’s ready?
Rico: Yup! Sure do, Skipper! (He starts to regurgitate it, but Skipper stops him)
Skipper: Only take it out if and when we really need it. Now, men, let’s go kick us some focena tail for real this time instead of planning the best way on how to kick some focena tail like I meant the last time I detto “Let’s go kick us some focena tail”!
Private: What on Earth did te just say, sir?
Skipper: Never mind. Let’s just go.
Scene 9: Seaville AquaFun Park, Blowholes Lair
Blowhole: I can’t take it anymore! te are the most idiotic sidekick, o partner o whatever the heck te are that I’ve ever had the displeasure of working with! te claim to be the world’s most evil mammal, huh? Well, te know what, bub? te couldn’t recognize evil- pure evil- if it bit te on the fluke! I haven’t seen an ounce of anything evil, diabolical, o even remotely unpleasant from te since te arrived! I’d be better off allying myself to Fred the scoiattolo than you! At least his uncle is another villain! You’re not even worth the time I’ve wasted on you! Now, get out of my sight! (He wheels himself away from Doug, who is visibly seething with fury)
Doug: I didn’t want to do this so soon, Francis, but you’ve forced my flipper!
Blowhole: (Spins around) (Snaps) What?
(Doug presses a button on his Segway, and a mechanical arm picks Blowhole up, and pins him against the bacheca to the far left. Cuffs restrain his tail, flippers and neck)
Blowhole: (Struggling to get out) Let me go te imbecile! This isn’t funny!
Doug: (Furious) So te think I’m an idiot, huh? Well, we’ll see who’s calling who what when I’m through with you!
(Camera turns, mostrare Blowhole’s horrified face as Doug reveals something hidden behind his back)
Blowhole: No!!! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (His screams echo throughout the lair)
Scene 10: The Hallway
(The Penguins quickly belly slide through the hallway, following the sound of Blowhole’s screams)
Scene 11: The Lair
(The Penguins burst through the door)
Blowhole: (Stops screaming) I never thought I’d say this, but thank goodness you’ve come! (Resumes screaming)
Skipper: Drop your weapon and no one gets hurt, porpoise!
(Doug turns around, revealing his weapon to be -)
Skipper: A…turnip, and a foto of Blowhole’s mother? What the what?
Blowhole: (Whimpers) Take it away! Please! The horror! (Resumes screaming)
Skipper: While I salute te for finally finding his weaknesses, this has to end, pesce face! Now- (Blowhole screams louder)
Skipper: Oh, for the Amore of-! Just stop screaming already! Can’t I finish my big entrance speech?
(Blowhole promptly shops screaming, but starts whimpering)
(Doug takes this opportunity to trap the Penguins successivo to Blowhole on the wall)
Doug: (Wheels towards Blowhole and takes his cybernetic eye off of him) Finally! I can wear the shiny thing!
Blowhole: Give that back te idiot! That so-called shiny thing cost più than it probably costs to feed te for ten years! It’s very delicate, too! And dangerous! (Sees the Penguins staring at him) (Snaps) What? What is it?
Private: te look…normal without your eyepiece. Just like the other side of your face except for the scar.
Blowhole: (Haughtily) Well, what did te expect? A hideously deformed visage? The eyepiece is meant to enhance my vision in this eye from my accident in Coney Island. Plus it makes me look cool.
Doug: (Has Lost interest and starts playing with some of Blowhole’s inventions) Hey! A freeze ray!
Blowhole: Put that down te moron before somebody gets-
(Doug presses the button and freezes a aragosta who entered the room)
Blowhole: (Falters)…- Frozen solid.
Doug: (Picks up another invention) Hey! An amnesia ray! What does this do? (He fires it at himself) Hey! An amnesia ray! What does this do? (He fires it at himself again) ciao An amnesia raggio, ray What does this do?
(Blowhole roils his eyes)
Doug: (Picks up another ray) Men. Not cool-looking enough. (He tosses it over his shoulder and turns a aragosta tending to the one who was Frozen purple) (Does the same to another one and it shrinks a secondo lobster) And this…(Tosses it over his shoulder. It explodes into a flash of fireworks)…does whatever that is…. (Turns to Blowhole) Don’t te have anything good? All these weapons are dumb.
Blowhole: (Gets an idea) Yes, Douglas, as a matter of fact I do. Go over to the computer console and push the big red flashing button.
Skipper: What is this-
Blowhole: (Cuts him off) Just trust me.
Skipper: Trust you? Not likely!
(Doug pressed a large, red, blinking button on Blowhole’s computer console, opening the restraints. Blowhole awkwardly grabs onto the handles of his Segway, and quickly balances himself, while the penguins crash to the floor in a heap)
Rico: Owie… why does this always happen?
Blowhole: Quickly, peng-yoo-ins! Let’s fight!
Kowalski: te versus us? Gladly!
Blowhole: No! I meant us versus Douglas! Quickly! While he’s still trying to figure out what that button did!
Skipper: Sweet Mama Mary! Are te mad, dolphin?
Private: Can te even see?
Blowhole: (Exasperated) Of course I can! Time is ticking away, peng-yoo-ins!
Rico: How many flippers I hold up? (Raises his right flipper)
Blowhole: (Smugly, certain het got the answer correct) Two. I’m not blind, te know.
Rico: Good enough for me!
Skipper: (Grumbles) Fine! Five-point arc, men! Now!
Blowhole: I’m taking point!
Skipper: Fine. You’ve dealt with this guy before.
(They get into formation with Blowhole at the center, flanked da Skipper and Kowalski on his right, and Private and Rico on his left. They all assume karate poses)
Blowhole: Penguins, disable his Segway! I’m going to the bozo myself!
Skipper: te just called us-
(Skipper is cut off da Blowhole charging towards Doug’s Segway)
Doug: Hey! This button doesn’t do anything! It’s just- (He is cut off da Blowhole launching himself off of his Segway and tackling him. The penguins open the bade of the Segway and cut off its power supply)
Doug: (He and Blowhole tumble) Get…off me The world is mine!!
Blowhole: (Sarcastically) Sure it is!
Doug: Really? You’re giving up that quickly?
Blowhole: (Rolls on superiore, in alto of Doug, pinning him down) Sarcasm was made to confuse the stupid, my friend. (To Kowalski) Hand me the big, black raggio, ray gun over da my computer console!
Kowalski: (Waddles over there) (Calls over from Blowhole’s pile of weapons) The cathode ray-emitting one?
Blowhole: That’s the one. Now, there’s a piece of paper on it. Remove it and bring it here.
(Kowalski runs over as fast as he can and hands it to Blowhole, who hoists himself back up onto his Segway. Doug does the same)
Doug: (Sneers) Don’t te realize te just doomed yourselves?
Blowhole: Oh, I know darn well what I’m doing. (Hands him the weapon) Here. Take it.
Doug: What is it?
Skipper: I knew it! He’s double crossing us!
Blowhole: It’s a…um….super…ultra…mega.. world domination ray-inator. Just turn it towards yourself and point. Then you’ll be unstoppable!
Doug: Prepare to meet your future king, everybody! (He pulls the trigger and a beam of electricity shoots out from it, knocking him unconscious)
Rico: What just happened?? I confused!
Blowhole: Simple, Rico. When dealing with stupid people, one must simply remove the warning labels.
Skipper: What in the name of Eisenhower’s oatmeal are te talking about, mammal?
Blowhole: Kowalski, would te please hand me the slip of paper I asked te to remove from the raggio, ray gun? (Kowalski hands it to him. Blowhole reads it aloud) “Warning: High Voltage! Do not point at self. Use caution when handling this device. Do not drink, drive, o operate machinery after using this, and call your doctor if you’re experiencing any nausea, headaches, dizziness, or-“….Oops ( he blushes) I wrote this on the warning label for my allergy medication. But my point is that I knew he’d be gullible enough to fall for such a simple trick!
Skipper: Well that’s fine and all, but what do we do this this clown? (He indicates Doug with a nod of his head)
Blowhole: After I get my eyepiece back, I have a plan for him. (He smiles sinisterly)
Private: (Quavers) Isn’t this the part where we go back to being enemies again? And te trap us?
Blowhole: Heavens no! Actually, I’ve decided to retire from being evil. I’m getting too old for all this nonsense. I’m nearly 15, te know. And besides, there will be other villains who-
Skipper: Retire?? You’re actually retiring?
Blowhole: (Puts his eyepiece back in place) (Sighs) Yes, Skipper, retire. Now, help me sposta Doug before he wakes up. I have a plan. And no, Rico, te can’t draw a mustache on him while he’s unconscious.
Rico: (Swallows the marker he just regurgitated) Aw man!!
Kowalski: What’s this about another villain te mentioned?
Blowhole: What? Oh…never mind. Now, let’s sposta him.
Scene 12: The focena Habitat
(Doug wakes up to find himself in his habitat, surrounded da rings of fire. A massive crowd cheers his name)
Doug: I guess the raggio, ray worked after all! (He does a flip into the first ring) Now, my subjects! (Flips through the secondo ring) Watch your king perform death-defying acts of bravery!
(Camera pans to Blowhole, Doris, and the Penguins watching from under the bleachers)
Doris: I can’t believe I ever dated that guy. What an egotistical creep. And a moron, too. He was never able to hold an intelligent conversation.
Blowhole: I can’t believe I didn’t figure all this out sooner. (Sighs) At least it’s all over with. Boy, will I miss being evil. And I still have to find jobs for my lobsters after I’ve laid them all off.
Skipper: Well, good luck to ya. (Reluctantly) Though, I’ll admit, Francis, that plan was..... brilliant. I don't like to admit it, but it was.
Blowhole: Oh, please! te flatter me, Skipper! te penguins were the ones who transferred him to Seaville.
Skipper: Yeah…. Now that old Francis over here is out of commission…. It’s like our whole existence has just Lost meaning. I still don't trust you. (Starts getting worked up) Until my last breath, I'll-
Blowhole: I get the point, Skipper. There will be other foes to face now that I’m out of your way, penguins. You’ll be plenty busy soon, I’m sure.
Kowalski: There te go again with that reference to fighting other foes. What are te talking about?
Blowhole: Nothing! Relax! Just that te guys always seem to get yourselves into some kind of trouble! te make enemies wherever te go. So, boys…. what will te do now?
(Camera pans out towards the ocean, where the sun is setting)
Skipper: (Voice over) We do what we’ve always done. We just smile and wave. Just smile…and…wave.
Scene 13: A Submarine Under the Ocean
(Dr. Brine moves away from his periscope, where he has just finished spying on the group)
Brine: Team Penguin…..hmmm…… te may have defeated Dr. Blowhole and Douglas, but let’s see how much of a match te are for me! (He laughs maniacally)
(He continues laughing, but is interrupted da someone clearing their throat from the screen on his computer)
(Camera pans to his computer screen, where Agent Classified, and the rest of his team, The North Wind, are seated, watching him)
Classified: You’re still online with us, te twit. successivo time te wish to talk to yourself, shut off your video chats before te start laughing maniacally. (Classified presses the button, closing the chat)
Brine: That stupid North Wind… now where was I? Oh yeah.. (He resumes laughing maniacally and his laugh echoes as the screen cuts to black)
Voice Cast;
Skipper: Tom McGrath
Kowalski: Jeff Glenn Bennett
Rico: John DiMaggio
Private: James Patrick Stuart
Doris: Callista Flockhart
Doug the Porpoise: Danny Jacobs
Dr. Blowhole: Neil Patrick Harris
Buck Rockgut: Clancy Brown
Dr. Octavius Brine/Dave :John Malkovich
Agent Classified: Benedict Cumberbatch
link
“Porpoise With a Purpose”
“The Penguins of Madagascar”
Season 4 Episode 8 (4X08)
Production Code: 408
Previous: “Crazy Old Cat Lady”
Next: N/A
focena With a Purpose/Transcript
Scene I: pinguino HQ (Inside)
(Kowalski is lying of his back. Sighs sadly)
Skipper: (Enters the HQ from the hatch, climbs down the ladder, and waddles over to Kowalski’s bunk) Come on, soldier! It’s almost time for the zoo to open! We still haven’t trained yet, so get up.
(Kowalski sighs dramatically, and rolls over on his back)
(Skipper taps his foot impatiently and clears his throat)
Skipper: Kowalski, I gave te a direct order. Do te need a definition of a direct order? (Grabs him da the feet and drags him out of the bunk)
(Strained) Now (drags) let’s (drags) move! (drags him to the base of the ladder)
Kowalski: (Muffled) I don’t feel like moving ever again!
Skipper: What was that, soldier?
Kowalski: (Raises his head) I detto I don’t feel like moving ever again! (Sniffles and voice breaks) Doris is so far away from me! I miss her so much!
(Starts sobbing loudly as Skipper forces him in an upright position. Kowalski blows his beak on Skipper’s flippers)
Skipper: (Recoils and flicks his flipper clean) Our schedule is free tonight. We’ll go and see Doris….AFTER we make up for the training we missed this morning!
Kowalski: (Sniffles. Visibly brightens up) R-really? You’d do that for me?
Skipper: (Sighs) Kowalski… this team is an elite unit of feathered fighters! We can’t function as a whole if we have a sad-sack on the team. Besides, I can’t stand to see any of my men down in the dumps. (Starts to climb up the ladder) Now, come on. We have some humans to entertain!
Scene 2: The pinguino Habitat (Topside)
(The crowd tosses handfuls of fish, showering the penguins in a mountain of fish. Their heads pop out of the pile. Rico begins devouring most of the pesce while Kowalski’s expression turns melancholy)
Kowalski: (Sighs sadly) Atlantic Salmon….(Sniffles) Doris’ favorite.
Skipper: (Exasperated) Oh, for the Amore of-! It’s not like Doris is dead! She’s just one borough away! te call her every day!
Kowalski: (Eye twitches) She hasn’t returned my calls in two hours! (Strangled) Two…whole …hours! (Throws his flippers up in the air, melodramatically) Something must be wrong!
(Private and Rico share glances. Rico shrugs and noisily guzzles down più fish)
Private: Well, maybe te should try calling her-
Kowalski: (Cuts him off) (With a crazed look in his eyes) No!! (Shakes him da the shoulders) Something’s happened! I know it!
Skipper: (Annoyed) Fine! We’ll visit as soon as the zoo closes! Happy now?
Kowalski: (Gives Skipper a crushing hug) Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
Skipper: (Strained) Let…go…now. I…….can’t breathe.
Kowalski: (Lets Skipper drop to the ground) Sorry. Heheh…..
Scene 3: Seaville AquaFun Park
(The camera follows the penguins belly-sliding behind the night watchmen)
Private: (Quavers slightly) So much for us never coming back here again.
Skipper: Well, we wouldn’t be here right now if Mr. Clingy over there wasn’t worried sick because Doris doesn’t call him every five seconds! (Grumbles) I’m getting sick of hearing (Imitates Kowalski) “You hang up the phone!” (Imitates Doris) “No, te hang up the phone!” (Imitates Kowalski) “No, te hand up the phone!” every night, too.
(They all anatra behind a trashcan as a security guard walks by)
Kowalski: (Whispers) There’s something wrong here, I feel it in my gut! Don’t te always say to trust your gut?
Skipper: That only applies to pinguino leaders, Kowalski, and I-
(Doris’ giggling is heard in the distance)
Doris: (From off-screen) I forgot how funny te are! You’re making me crack up! (Giggles)
Kowalski: (Gets a horrified look on his face) C-could she be dating someone else at the same time??
Private: (Consolingly) I’m sure that’s not the case, Kowalski. Let’s just go and see what’s going on.
(They belly slide towards the delfino Habitat, where Doris, Dr. Blowhole, and a stranger, whose face is shadowed, obscuring his features, are propped up, leaning against the edges of the pool)
Blowhole: It’s a shame te two had to break up. I really thought that te would- (He notices the Penguins, and nearly chokes on the pesce he was about to swallow)
(Doris and the Stranger turn to see what Blowhole was looking at)
The Stranger: (In a chattery, squeaky voice) Aren’t te going to introduce us to your friends, Francis?
Blowhole: (Strained) (Seething with fury) They’re not my friends. They’re my arch nemeses.
Doris: ciao guys! Kowalski, sweetie, I missed you!
(Kowalski lets out an odd wheezing exhale)
Doris: (Glances, bewildered, at Kowalski, and then realizes what’s wrong) Oh! te thought that…(She bursts out laughing) Kowalski. Boys, this is Doug, my ex boyfriend. He dropped da for a visit and Francis invited him over for dinner.
Rico: Wa’ he the one who wa’ ugly on the inside?
Kowalski: (Glaring at Doug with loathing and jealousy) (Coldly) No, that was Harry the octopus who was ugly on the inside. If te were there for my rant while Parker was present, te would know that-
Skipper: (Cuts him off) (Turns to Doris) Back up here, sister. There’s absolutely nothing going on here? He’s just a friend, right?
Doris: Of course! I’m dating Kowalski! And what a catch he is! (Doris pulls him on for a quick smooch. The camera pans to the other penguins’ grossed-out expressions) (Rico goes off-screen and is heard vomiting. He stumbles back looking sick to his stomach, clutching a flipperload of rubber ducks)
Doug: (To Blowhole) I can’t believe they finally ended up together.
Blowhole: I can’t either. My baby sister and one of my worst enemies dating, practically married. Talk about awkward.
Doug: (To Doris and Kowalski) How DID te two end up together?
Doris: It’s a long story, and I don’t want to go into it now, considering I JUST forgave Frankie for nearly talking over the world.
Skipper: (Grimaces disgustedly) Frankie?
Blowhole: Her childhood nickname for me. I suppose it’s better than “Flippy”. Ugh. SO glad I’m over that.
Doug: Wow. And I thought MY family was dysfunctional. (Casually) So, guys, when’s the wedding?
(Blowhole coughs and nearly does a spit-take. Skipper looks like he’s about to faint)
Skipper: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who detto anything about marriage?
Blowhole: Ne-never! The only way they’d EVER get married is over my dead body!
Skipper: (Glances at Blowhole) I think this is the first and only thing we’ve ever agreed on.
Doug: (Laughs awkwardly) What, are te guys not looking inoltrare, avanti to the family barbecues? The Thanksgiving dinners?
Doris: Ummm…… since when do I need anyone’s permission to marry the pinguino who loves me? Besides, if I was going to ask anyone, I’d ask Mom. She’s always detto yes to me.
Doug: (Jokingly) And if I remember right, Frankie over here was always scared of (Imitates Blowhole) “M-mother”.
(Skipper struggles to conceal a giggle)
Blowhole: (In a scared voice) T-the only think that scares me più than my highly irrational fear of turnips is M-mother when she gets into one of her states. (Cries out, nearly shrieking in panic) te don’t know what it’s like!!
(They all stare at Blowhole, who quickly regains his cool)
Skipper: (Awkwardly) We’ll just go. (Drags Kowalski away from Doris) See? There’s absolutely nothing wrong! Now, come on, Romeo, let’s let them enjoy their little party.
(While the penguins walk off in the distance, and Doris and Blowhole are bickering, Doug looks towards the camera)
Doug: (Expression changes to a sinister grin) Interesting……. VERY interesting
Scene 4: pinguino HQ (Inside)
Skipper: (Storms angrily into the HQ) I’m with te on this one, Kowalski. I do NOT like the way this is playing out!
Private: Besides that…. Blowhole sees us and doesn’t try to attack? How bizarre is that? Everything’s all topsy-turvy!
Kowalski: I still don’t trust Doug. I never have. Something has always seemed……off about him. Did te see how he and Doris-
Skipper: Forget him and Doris! It’s him and Blowhole I’m worried about! My pinguino senses were tingling big time with him! I think he’s hiding something!
Private: (Cautiously) Well….aside from the fact that he’s Doris’ ex boyfriend, what else could there be about him? Why would he want to hide anything? He could be just an average trick-performing porpoise.
Skipper: (Sarcastically) Sure he is! Just like Blowhole was your average trick-performing dolphin.
Kowalski: So what do we do? It’s not like we can just casually interrogate him to find out if he’s hiding anything.
Skipper: (Thinks carefully) I think…… I think I may know someone who can help us!
Scene 5: An Undisclosed Location
(The Penguins are belly-sliding in a nearly pitch-black tunnel, blindfolded)
Skipper: ….and turn right over here.
(They round a corner. They stop, stand up, and remove their blindfolds)
Skipper: (Furrows his brow in thought) Now what was that password?
Kowalski: Sir, if I may, why all the cloak-and- dagger secrecy? Is all this really necessary?
Skipper: My contact is the go-to guy for all things spy. He knows the secret identity of every spy, secret agent, double, triple, and even quadruple agent out there! He has eyes, ears, friends, enemies, frenemies and a contact in every city from here to Timbuktu! The secrecy is necessary for his own protection as well as ours!
(Private glances around nervously. Rico says “Boo!” and Private jumps in fright)
Rico: So where are we, Skippa’?
Skipper: Absolutely no idea! But my contact is everywhere and nowhere at the same time. If anyone can tell us anything about Doug the porpoise, he can!
(He waddles up to a round metal hatch, and knocks on it. A gruff voice from behind it asks, “Password?”)
Skipper: (Clears his throat) The password is “The Red Squirrel”.
(The door swings open with a screech, and dust rains down on the penguins as they step in)
(The door slams shut, throwing the small room into near-darkness)
(A flipper is shown grabbing a cord, and yanking it, turning on a lightbulb, revealing its owner to be none other than-)
Private, Kowalski and Rico: (In unison) Buck Rockgut??
Buck: (Plops on a beat-up swivel chair in front of a series of monitors where footage of Parker, Hans and Rhonda flicker occasionally) That’s right! I have intel on everybody who’s anybody in our line of work! So (he smirks) surprised to see me, cupcakes? Betcha didn’t expect me, huh? Let me tell you, if any one of te guys goes off your rockers, the therapy Headquarters offers is fantastic! Consider me back on my rocker!
(Rico grins lopsidedly. His tongue slips out, and he goes cross-eyed)
Skipper: Listen, Buck, we need your help. If anyone can tell us if this guy (Holds up a snapshot of Doug) is hiding anything, it’s you. This guy seems fishy, and we want to know what skeletons are in his closet.
(Buck takes the photo, grumbling. He studies it for a moment, and then drops it, spooked)
Buck: Y-you’re sure this is the guy?
Private: Yes. Why? Is something wrong, Mr. Rockgut?
(Buck dashes over to the computer and quickly types something in on the keyboard)
(A foto of Doug attached to several official-looking documents pops up on a large computer screen behind them. The penguins turn around to face it)
Buck: Douglas the porpoise, AKA “Doug” to his friends. Not the most original name for the most evil mammal in the world. Yeah, there’s someone even più evil than Blowhole out there. He’s also twice as dangerous, because he’s not an Evil Genius.
Rico: Ehhh…what is he?
Buck: (Doesn’t look up as he types something else into the computer) (A video screen pops up) He’s an Evil Idiot, which is MUCH più dangerous. Take a look at this. (Indicates the video footage) This was shot down here a few weeks fa when Douglas was released from the jail at the Headquarters for (air quotes) “Good behavior”.
(Buck presses the “play” button, and shows Buck and Doug in a darkened interrogation room)
Buck on the video: (Testily) Do te even have the slightest idea of what I just said?
Doug on the video: Not really. I don’t have a big vocabulary. Like, sometimes, I use big words I don’t understand to make myself seem più photosynthesis than I really am! But I DO know that you’re going to lose, and I’m gonna rule the world!!! (He laughs maniacally)
(Buck shuts the video off)
Buck: He’s worse than anything you’ve ever faced before. Dumb guys like that are easily provoked. He’s the most evil villain we’ve ever held captive. He’s the World’s Most Evil mammal in the World.
Kowalski: Um… isn’t that somewhat redundant?
Buck: Never mind about that. The point is: he’s dangerous.
Private: (Quavers) And since you’ve dealt with him before, you’re going to help us, right? (Panicked) Right?
Buck: (His head whips around towards Private. He chuckles) What are you, crazy? You’re on your own with this one! (Reaches for the cord, yanks it, and shuts off the light) Meeting adjourned.
(The room is thrown into total darkness)
Skipper: Rico, hand me a flashlight!
Rico: (The sound of him regurgitating a flashlight is heard) Here ya go!
(Skipper flicks the switch for the flashlight)
Private: (Cries out happily) Oh that’s much better!
Kowalski: Well, that whole thing was-
(A hatch opens beneath their feet. They fall through, screaming, which grown fainter as they fall deeper and deeper down)
Scene 6: pinguino HQ (Inside)
(A hatch in the Penguins’ floor opens up, and they are propelled through, in order, but fall clumsily into a pile. They get up, and dust themselves off)
Kowalski: We have to get Doris away from him! She’s in danger!
Skipper: Don’t te think I don’t know that?
Private: Well, do we have a plan?
(Kowalski opens his beak to say something, but closes it, implying he has nothing)
Private: te have nothing planned? The world needs to be saved…again…. And we don’t have a bloody plan?! We’re Team Penguin, for Lunacorn’s sake! We can’t just….just improvise! Think back to all the times we’ve gone into a villain’s lair doing random karate poses! We get captured, but some random unexpected thing happens and the giorno is saved! We can’t guarantee that that thing where the villain captures the Heroes and spells out his plan, and the Heroes escape and save the world will happen this time! This meanie is the baddest villain we’ve ever faced! We don’t know what he’s capable of! I don’t want to go in there and have nothing planned!
Skipper: (Stunned) I didn’t know te had that kind of fuoco in you, young Private. You’re right. We need a solid, absolutely foolproof plan that doesn’t involve us going in there, pistole blazing, and hope for the best. Now…. Let’s start planning on the best way to kick us some focena tail
Scene 7: Seaville AquaFun Park, Blowhole’s Secret Base
(Blowhole and Doug enter his empty lair on matching segways)
Blowhole: (Skeptically) Let me get this straight… you’re a villain? The so-called “World’s Most Evil mammal in the World”?
Doug: (Smirks) That’s right.
Blowhole: And te only dated Doris all those years fa to worm your way into my good graces so te could…could what? Try to ally yourself with me? o did te want to eventually backstab me?
Doug: I need a smart partner! I’m not that smart, and I have a REALLY short attention span, and I get distracted really easy, and I……(Stares, wide-eyed at Blowhole’s cybernetic eye) (Says in awe) …….Oohhh……shiny……I like shiny things! (Reaches out to touch it)
Blowhole: (Backs up nervously) Um….Doug? (Waves a flipper in front of Doug’s face) Doug? Hellooooo? Anyone home? (Chuckles nervously)
Doug: (Blinks) Huh…wha-? Oh. Sorry. I’m really distracted da shiny objects.
Blowhole: (Sarcastically) No! I had no idea!
Doug: (Doesn’t appear to understand the sarcasm) Oh yes. It’s one of my biggest problems. I also have trouble sticking to one subject and did te know tomatoes are fruits? I like mela, apple sauce.
Blowhole: (Face-flippers) Please tell me this is come sort of act. A ruse! A sham! Something! te /have/ to be faking this!! No one is really THIS idiotic! I can’t work with someone who’s like this! Not if you’re going to be staring at shiny things every five seconds!
Doug: I’m sorry, what did te say? I was staring at your Segway. It has lots of shiny buttons!
(Blowhole screams in frustration)
Scene 8: pinguino HQ (Inside)
(The HQ is strewn with papers, blueprints and some of Kowalski’s inventions> The Penguins are seated at the cinderblock table)
Skipper: We’ve exhausted every strategy we have. We’ve used every idea, every battle formation, every….everything that we have, and I think we’re finally ready I’m almost….Kowalski, what are our odds of success?
Kowalski: (Pulls out his abacus and randomly moves around a few beads) I’d say that we have a 75.369215 percent chance of defeating him.
Skipper: Then I’m 75.4 percent sure we can do this! Rico!
(Rico springs to attention and salutes)
Skipper: Do te have that distracto-ray of Kowalski’s ready?
Rico: Yup! Sure do, Skipper! (He starts to regurgitate it, but Skipper stops him)
Skipper: Only take it out if and when we really need it. Now, men, let’s go kick us some focena tail for real this time instead of planning the best way on how to kick some focena tail like I meant the last time I detto “Let’s go kick us some focena tail”!
Private: What on Earth did te just say, sir?
Skipper: Never mind. Let’s just go.
Scene 9: Seaville AquaFun Park, Blowholes Lair
Blowhole: I can’t take it anymore! te are the most idiotic sidekick, o partner o whatever the heck te are that I’ve ever had the displeasure of working with! te claim to be the world’s most evil mammal, huh? Well, te know what, bub? te couldn’t recognize evil- pure evil- if it bit te on the fluke! I haven’t seen an ounce of anything evil, diabolical, o even remotely unpleasant from te since te arrived! I’d be better off allying myself to Fred the scoiattolo than you! At least his uncle is another villain! You’re not even worth the time I’ve wasted on you! Now, get out of my sight! (He wheels himself away from Doug, who is visibly seething with fury)
Doug: I didn’t want to do this so soon, Francis, but you’ve forced my flipper!
Blowhole: (Spins around) (Snaps) What?
(Doug presses a button on his Segway, and a mechanical arm picks Blowhole up, and pins him against the bacheca to the far left. Cuffs restrain his tail, flippers and neck)
Blowhole: (Struggling to get out) Let me go te imbecile! This isn’t funny!
Doug: (Furious) So te think I’m an idiot, huh? Well, we’ll see who’s calling who what when I’m through with you!
(Camera turns, mostrare Blowhole’s horrified face as Doug reveals something hidden behind his back)
Blowhole: No!!! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (His screams echo throughout the lair)
Scene 10: The Hallway
(The Penguins quickly belly slide through the hallway, following the sound of Blowhole’s screams)
Scene 11: The Lair
(The Penguins burst through the door)
Blowhole: (Stops screaming) I never thought I’d say this, but thank goodness you’ve come! (Resumes screaming)
Skipper: Drop your weapon and no one gets hurt, porpoise!
(Doug turns around, revealing his weapon to be -)
Skipper: A…turnip, and a foto of Blowhole’s mother? What the what?
Blowhole: (Whimpers) Take it away! Please! The horror! (Resumes screaming)
Skipper: While I salute te for finally finding his weaknesses, this has to end, pesce face! Now- (Blowhole screams louder)
Skipper: Oh, for the Amore of-! Just stop screaming already! Can’t I finish my big entrance speech?
(Blowhole promptly shops screaming, but starts whimpering)
(Doug takes this opportunity to trap the Penguins successivo to Blowhole on the wall)
Doug: (Wheels towards Blowhole and takes his cybernetic eye off of him) Finally! I can wear the shiny thing!
Blowhole: Give that back te idiot! That so-called shiny thing cost più than it probably costs to feed te for ten years! It’s very delicate, too! And dangerous! (Sees the Penguins staring at him) (Snaps) What? What is it?
Private: te look…normal without your eyepiece. Just like the other side of your face except for the scar.
Blowhole: (Haughtily) Well, what did te expect? A hideously deformed visage? The eyepiece is meant to enhance my vision in this eye from my accident in Coney Island. Plus it makes me look cool.
Doug: (Has Lost interest and starts playing with some of Blowhole’s inventions) Hey! A freeze ray!
Blowhole: Put that down te moron before somebody gets-
(Doug presses the button and freezes a aragosta who entered the room)
Blowhole: (Falters)…- Frozen solid.
Doug: (Picks up another invention) Hey! An amnesia ray! What does this do? (He fires it at himself) Hey! An amnesia ray! What does this do? (He fires it at himself again) ciao An amnesia raggio, ray What does this do?
(Blowhole roils his eyes)
Doug: (Picks up another ray) Men. Not cool-looking enough. (He tosses it over his shoulder and turns a aragosta tending to the one who was Frozen purple) (Does the same to another one and it shrinks a secondo lobster) And this…(Tosses it over his shoulder. It explodes into a flash of fireworks)…does whatever that is…. (Turns to Blowhole) Don’t te have anything good? All these weapons are dumb.
Blowhole: (Gets an idea) Yes, Douglas, as a matter of fact I do. Go over to the computer console and push the big red flashing button.
Skipper: What is this-
Blowhole: (Cuts him off) Just trust me.
Skipper: Trust you? Not likely!
(Doug pressed a large, red, blinking button on Blowhole’s computer console, opening the restraints. Blowhole awkwardly grabs onto the handles of his Segway, and quickly balances himself, while the penguins crash to the floor in a heap)
Rico: Owie… why does this always happen?
Blowhole: Quickly, peng-yoo-ins! Let’s fight!
Kowalski: te versus us? Gladly!
Blowhole: No! I meant us versus Douglas! Quickly! While he’s still trying to figure out what that button did!
Skipper: Sweet Mama Mary! Are te mad, dolphin?
Private: Can te even see?
Blowhole: (Exasperated) Of course I can! Time is ticking away, peng-yoo-ins!
Rico: How many flippers I hold up? (Raises his right flipper)
Blowhole: (Smugly, certain het got the answer correct) Two. I’m not blind, te know.
Rico: Good enough for me!
Skipper: (Grumbles) Fine! Five-point arc, men! Now!
Blowhole: I’m taking point!
Skipper: Fine. You’ve dealt with this guy before.
(They get into formation with Blowhole at the center, flanked da Skipper and Kowalski on his right, and Private and Rico on his left. They all assume karate poses)
Blowhole: Penguins, disable his Segway! I’m going to the bozo myself!
Skipper: te just called us-
(Skipper is cut off da Blowhole charging towards Doug’s Segway)
Doug: Hey! This button doesn’t do anything! It’s just- (He is cut off da Blowhole launching himself off of his Segway and tackling him. The penguins open the bade of the Segway and cut off its power supply)
Doug: (He and Blowhole tumble) Get…off me The world is mine!!
Blowhole: (Sarcastically) Sure it is!
Doug: Really? You’re giving up that quickly?
Blowhole: (Rolls on superiore, in alto of Doug, pinning him down) Sarcasm was made to confuse the stupid, my friend. (To Kowalski) Hand me the big, black raggio, ray gun over da my computer console!
Kowalski: (Waddles over there) (Calls over from Blowhole’s pile of weapons) The cathode ray-emitting one?
Blowhole: That’s the one. Now, there’s a piece of paper on it. Remove it and bring it here.
(Kowalski runs over as fast as he can and hands it to Blowhole, who hoists himself back up onto his Segway. Doug does the same)
Doug: (Sneers) Don’t te realize te just doomed yourselves?
Blowhole: Oh, I know darn well what I’m doing. (Hands him the weapon) Here. Take it.
Doug: What is it?
Skipper: I knew it! He’s double crossing us!
Blowhole: It’s a…um….super…ultra…mega.. world domination ray-inator. Just turn it towards yourself and point. Then you’ll be unstoppable!
Doug: Prepare to meet your future king, everybody! (He pulls the trigger and a beam of electricity shoots out from it, knocking him unconscious)
Rico: What just happened?? I confused!
Blowhole: Simple, Rico. When dealing with stupid people, one must simply remove the warning labels.
Skipper: What in the name of Eisenhower’s oatmeal are te talking about, mammal?
Blowhole: Kowalski, would te please hand me the slip of paper I asked te to remove from the raggio, ray gun? (Kowalski hands it to him. Blowhole reads it aloud) “Warning: High Voltage! Do not point at self. Use caution when handling this device. Do not drink, drive, o operate machinery after using this, and call your doctor if you’re experiencing any nausea, headaches, dizziness, or-“….Oops ( he blushes) I wrote this on the warning label for my allergy medication. But my point is that I knew he’d be gullible enough to fall for such a simple trick!
Skipper: Well that’s fine and all, but what do we do this this clown? (He indicates Doug with a nod of his head)
Blowhole: After I get my eyepiece back, I have a plan for him. (He smiles sinisterly)
Private: (Quavers) Isn’t this the part where we go back to being enemies again? And te trap us?
Blowhole: Heavens no! Actually, I’ve decided to retire from being evil. I’m getting too old for all this nonsense. I’m nearly 15, te know. And besides, there will be other villains who-
Skipper: Retire?? You’re actually retiring?
Blowhole: (Puts his eyepiece back in place) (Sighs) Yes, Skipper, retire. Now, help me sposta Doug before he wakes up. I have a plan. And no, Rico, te can’t draw a mustache on him while he’s unconscious.
Rico: (Swallows the marker he just regurgitated) Aw man!!
Kowalski: What’s this about another villain te mentioned?
Blowhole: What? Oh…never mind. Now, let’s sposta him.
Scene 12: The focena Habitat
(Doug wakes up to find himself in his habitat, surrounded da rings of fire. A massive crowd cheers his name)
Doug: I guess the raggio, ray worked after all! (He does a flip into the first ring) Now, my subjects! (Flips through the secondo ring) Watch your king perform death-defying acts of bravery!
(Camera pans to Blowhole, Doris, and the Penguins watching from under the bleachers)
Doris: I can’t believe I ever dated that guy. What an egotistical creep. And a moron, too. He was never able to hold an intelligent conversation.
Blowhole: I can’t believe I didn’t figure all this out sooner. (Sighs) At least it’s all over with. Boy, will I miss being evil. And I still have to find jobs for my lobsters after I’ve laid them all off.
Skipper: Well, good luck to ya. (Reluctantly) Though, I’ll admit, Francis, that plan was..... brilliant. I don't like to admit it, but it was.
Blowhole: Oh, please! te flatter me, Skipper! te penguins were the ones who transferred him to Seaville.
Skipper: Yeah…. Now that old Francis over here is out of commission…. It’s like our whole existence has just Lost meaning. I still don't trust you. (Starts getting worked up) Until my last breath, I'll-
Blowhole: I get the point, Skipper. There will be other foes to face now that I’m out of your way, penguins. You’ll be plenty busy soon, I’m sure.
Kowalski: There te go again with that reference to fighting other foes. What are te talking about?
Blowhole: Nothing! Relax! Just that te guys always seem to get yourselves into some kind of trouble! te make enemies wherever te go. So, boys…. what will te do now?
(Camera pans out towards the ocean, where the sun is setting)
Skipper: (Voice over) We do what we’ve always done. We just smile and wave. Just smile…and…wave.
Scene 13: A Submarine Under the Ocean
(Dr. Brine moves away from his periscope, where he has just finished spying on the group)
Brine: Team Penguin…..hmmm…… te may have defeated Dr. Blowhole and Douglas, but let’s see how much of a match te are for me! (He laughs maniacally)
(He continues laughing, but is interrupted da someone clearing their throat from the screen on his computer)
(Camera pans to his computer screen, where Agent Classified, and the rest of his team, The North Wind, are seated, watching him)
Classified: You’re still online with us, te twit. successivo time te wish to talk to yourself, shut off your video chats before te start laughing maniacally. (Classified presses the button, closing the chat)
Brine: That stupid North Wind… now where was I? Oh yeah.. (He resumes laughing maniacally and his laugh echoes as the screen cuts to black)
Voice Cast;
Skipper: Tom McGrath
Kowalski: Jeff Glenn Bennett
Rico: John DiMaggio
Private: James Patrick Stuart
Doris: Callista Flockhart
Doug the Porpoise: Danny Jacobs
Dr. Blowhole: Neil Patrick Harris
Buck Rockgut: Clancy Brown
Dr. Octavius Brine/Dave :John Malkovich
Agent Classified: Benedict Cumberbatch
The penguins were doing their daily cleaning around their HQ. "Hello silly penguins!" king Julien detto as he walked into their HQ. "Ringtail? What is with the jogging outfit?" "There is a race soon!" "Ok then...Have fun with that." "But te don't understand! There are prizes!" " Ooo! CANDY!" Shouted Private. "Fine! We'll take te on in a race ringtail. And I can tell te that were going to win!" "Hey guys! Did te say something about a race?" Asked Marlene.
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ggreen7295 here! So I had this crazyish idea. To celebrate the authors, stories, OCs, and other PoM things created on FF, I wanted to have a "Academy Awardish thing" for te guys. Like, there would be categories such as
Best Author
Best Fanfic
Best T rated Fanfic
Best M rated Fanfic
Best Romance
Best Horror
Most Depressing fanfic
Best Humanized fanfic
Best One shot
Yeah those are just the one's off the superiore, in alto of my head. Of course I can't do this da myself. I need no co workers some other people to help my make decisions. Like first of all... What should we call this? Write a review explaining why te should help me do this. Well that's all...Hmm I should write my story... Hey, Xbox! :/ (Must play Borderlands)
Best Author
Best Fanfic
Best T rated Fanfic
Best M rated Fanfic
Best Romance
Best Horror
Most Depressing fanfic
Best Humanized fanfic
Best One shot
Yeah those are just the one's off the superiore, in alto of my head. Of course I can't do this da myself. I need no co workers some other people to help my make decisions. Like first of all... What should we call this? Write a review explaining why te should help me do this. Well that's all...Hmm I should write my story... Hey, Xbox! :/ (Must play Borderlands)
