The Return of Tyra and Chopper - A Master Quest fan fiction - Pokémon - fanpop

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The Return of Tyra and Chopper - A Master Quest fan fiction

posted by 15sturmelle2

Ash, Brock, and Misty were on their way to Olivine City when Tyra and Chopper and their gang showed up and wouldn't let them leave until they agreed to a battle with them. So which one of te wants to go first? asked Chopper, stepping forward. I would! detto Ash Very well. Let's begin. This time i have più Pokemon than just my Golem. detto Chopper Less talking, più battling. detto Ash, eager to get started with the battle. Very well. Golem! Go! detto Chopper In that case, i'll use Totodile! detto Ash Golem began the battle with Rock Throw, which Totodile dodged at the right moment Golem used Tackle, which Totodile also dodged at the right moment, allowing it to catch Golem off guard da taking it out with Water Gun te may of have beaten my Golem, but let's see how your Totodile does against Beedrill! detto Chopper, sending in Beedrill No need for that! I'll be using Cyndaquil. detto Ash, switching Totodile out for Cyndaquil. Beedrill began with Twinneedle, which Cyndaquil dodged its way through until it gained enough momentum to jump into the air and launch a Flamethrower attack at Beedrill te might of have beaten Beedrill, but how well will your Cyndaquil do against Hitmonchan? detto Chopper, sending in Hitmonchan Hitmonchan began the battle with Brick Break, which Cyndaquil dodged at the right moment and jumped into the air to launch a Flamethrower attack at Hitmonchan Let's see how well your Cyndaquil will do against Electabuzz. detto Chopper, tossing a Pokeball containing Electabuzz into the air No need to do that. I'll be using Pikachu for this one. detto Ash, swapping Cyndaquil out for Pikachu Electabuzz landed a Thunder punch, punzone attack, which Pikachu dodged and used Tackle on Electabuzz and finally defeated it with another Tackle Chopper sent in his last shot at winning, a rough tough looking Granbull which started the battle out with Bite, which Pikachu dodged and used Tackle, which had no effect on Granbull, forcing Pikachu to use Thundershock and Thunderbolt on Granbull, taking Granbull down easily.

shhays, FanNoOne111 and 1 other like this

El_Noire Not bad, glad to see people also write fanfiction on this site. Good to know. Firstly, you should add proper grammar. I'm no expert myself, but you missed things like "Quotation Marks", which you use to show someone is talkng, and a lot of periods, which caused you to have some run on sentences. A few more commas would have been nice too. What you did: So which one of you wants to go first? Tyra asked, What i reccomend: "So, which one lf you wants to first?" Tyra asked, Second, try splitting your story into paragraphs. Once you get the basic grammar part down, splitting your story into paragraphs should be much easier. Whenever a new character speaks or a group of sentences is getting long, go into a new paragraph. It makes the story look much cleaner, and longer too. What you did: Golem! Go! said Chopper In that case i'lll use Totodile! Said Ash What i reccomend: "Golem, go!" Chopper shouted. "In that case, i'll use Totodile!" Ash shot back. Third, avoid repeating the word "said" or any word for that matter. Be more creative with it. Think of it this way. You want your reader to be able to picture each scene you write in their mind. If you want them to get the message somone is yelling, you wouldn't say, "Die!" Said Ash. You'd say "Die!" Ash screamed furiously. It helps to make things easier for your reader to understand. Fourth, be more detailed. You should make it so the reader can picture the location or scene or character in thrir mind. Never assume you reader knows the locatiin, because you don't know what the reader knows except for what you tell them. If you were to say, "Ash and the gang were walking on Route 5", then i wouldn't really know anything about Route 5, would i? It would just be a blank canvas with a name. But if you said, "Ash and the gang were walking along the dirt path known as Route 5. Endless fields of grass occupied the sides of the path, and the warm summer sun was beating down on them, not even slight obscured by the cloudless sapphire sky.", i woukd get a very clear image as to where Ash and the gang were, right? In the end, it's up to you how you write. If you want to disregard everything i just said, feel free to do it. I'm not a best selling Author or anything. But from one writer to another, these are some things you could implement into future stories that could, kn my opinion, elevate your writing to a whole different level. So, from your newfound fan, Best Wishes El Noire