The Walking Dead, for the 5% of the world who doesn’t know, is a mostra that follows a group of survivors trying to survive the zombie apocalypse, as well as trying to protect themselves from psychopaths and criminals. This mostra became a huge hit in just a matter of days, and for good reason. This is one of the most violent shows that was on TV at the time, and became a huge hit, getting popolare in just weeks. So naturally, Activision felt they weren’t making enough money with CoD, so they decided to make a game of it, and that game was The Walking Dead: Survival Instincts. And in a matter of days, this game got hit with some of the lowest scores I have seen in a long time. It got both a 4.5 on IGN and a 32% on Metacritic. The game was so bad, in fact, that it was deemed as one of the worst games of all time, right up there with Bubsy 3D, Zelda on CD-i, and E.T. on Atari. So, is the game as bad as everyone says it is? No….. Because they should have dato it a fucking zero. This game is fucking HORRIBLE!
Not only is this game a goddamn disaster, but it’s a goddamn disaster that comes with a price. Fucking fifty dollars. I paid fifty dollars for this fucking game. Was the price worth it. Well- No… It wasn’t…. It REALLY fucking wasn’t. So, in this game, te play as Daryl as he explores what has to be the most barren as fuck city I have ever seen. te then meet these two guys… I don’t care, since they die in the first two leves. They are also never referred to again after this, so they did just as little for te as they did for the story. So, what is the story? Fuck if I know. There are random cutscenes whenever the game feels like it, Daryl moves to a completely different area without any transition, and he is always helping one person one minute, and is helping another the next. One minute, Daryl is in a park with a log cabin, and the next, he in a lab with insane scientists. So, fuck it. I’m making my own story. Daryl and some guy (I don’t care about his name) Try to make it to a football stadium to get to safety. If that story was half-assed, at least there was più effort into that story than there was with this entire game da a fucking company. That’s sad when a high school student who rarely makes honor roll puts più effort into it than a video game company does.
So, let’s talk about the gameplay. te have a coltello at first, which is basically one of the most overpowered weapons in a video game. Anyway, the game has detto that te can either fight o sneak past Walkers, scavenge for Cibo and fuel, find survivors who can help te out a lot more, with varying abilities. From the sounds of it, this sounds like a great Walking Dead game. But guess what, they fucked up all of these. And I am going to talk about them all. First off, combat and stealth against the Walkers. Everywhere te go, there will always be a hoard of walkers. If te do choose to fight them, get ready to be royally fucked. The combat is broken. te can either fight them up close, but if te do, te will take dozens of hits. However, te can just stab all of them and end up killing thousands just da letting them crowd around te and te stabbing them. And if te think that’s bad, te can just jump on superiore, in alto of a care and wail on them until they are dead. Also, if te fuoco a gun, più will come. Okay, so, that’s to be expected. But sooner o later, you’re going to find a crossbow. This fucking thing is so overpowered, that te will just want this throughout the game and nothing else. Not only is it a silent weapon that kills everything in one headshot (Which aren’t that hard to get), but te can pick up the Arrow te fired and use them for an unlimited amount of times. This weapon is way to overpowered. But here’s the thing…. te don’t have to fight them. If te just run away, the Walkers will just give up and leave. te can just outrun them and NEVER stop running. That is how bad the enemy AI is. Also, they really Amore running into walls, in case they weren’t bad enough. Also, stealth is useless. They will find te no matter what, and te can never outrun them. So, Combat and Stealth was a fucking disappointment.
Next, let's look at scavenging. They told te that te would have to scavenge for food, ammo, and fuel. First off, food… Entirely bullshit. If te had a hunger meter, then it would make sense. But instead, te collect bottles of water, o if te ask me, what looks like piss. It’s green, so it’s piss. It could be an energy drink, but energy drinks to me, taste like piss. So, it’s still piss. And the bottles of piss only heal te up… very little. It doesn’t even heal a quarter of a quarter of your health. It is that little. Thankfully, like I detto before, due to running from enemies, te can avoid getting hit. Next, is ammo. Again, entirely bullshit. pistole are basically useless, since te only get very little ammo to use them and since they attract più enemies. And considering the fact that melee weapons, o even the goddamn crossbow, are più powerful weapons, te will NEVER use any of this ammo. And lastly, fuel. Well, at least te will need the fuel…. Over, and Over, AND OVER AGAIN! This is the one thing te will need, because your fuel meter is as short as a dust mites erection. This thing dies faster than a fly in a gas chamber. Every time te are driving, te will always, and I mean ALWAYs, run out of gas. And sometimes, you’ll run out of gas multiple times on the same damn highway. And when te do run out, te will have to go to the most empty and boring looking places ever, finding gas cans and taking them back to the car, and it is never fun. Hell, sometimes, you’ll end up AT THE SAME FUCKING PLACE te WERE AT BEFORE! So, yeah scavenging is also a fucking disappointment.
Lastly, let’s look at the survivors. Now, let’s think about this. Survivors in a zombie game… te don’t need me to tell te that this is already a disappointment. But trust me, te wouldn’t think it was possible, but Activision takes away all expectations of that and makes it worse. te were expecting bad survivors, but don’t worry, Activision made it worse. Survivors are always able to be found, and they ask te to do some of the most boring as fuck side quests for them, when in reality, te can just tell them to fuck off, which is what I did for all survivors. I don’t give two shits about them. But when te do find them, all they do is sit around the car and do fucking nothing. te can ask them to go and find health packs, but they're so badly injured, te need to waste a health pack. The only problem is that they only brought one fucking pack, so te have to waste it to save the guy and pretty much make sending him a waste of everyone’s fucking time. And considering the fact that te can find a bunch of that stuff outside makes sending them out to their death a waste of fucking time. Needless to say, don’t do it. Don’t send them out. So, survivors are also a fucking disappointment. So, all of those three selling points are fucking garbage. That’s how bad this game is.
So, I have decided to spoil the ending, because, come on, are te really going to go out and buy this game. So, with all the shit that was in the game, you’d think that the game would have a decent ending…. Well, Daryl goes to a football stadium where everyone is dead because…. fuck if I know, and Daryl grabs a machine gun, shoots some Walkers and then he drives out of there…. And that’s it. It’s a lot less of an ending and più of the fact that the game just stopped…. Now, normally, I’d get mad at an ending like that…. But I’m not mad…. I’M FUCKING PISSED OFF! HOW IN THE FUCK DO te FUCK UP THE WALKING DEAD THIS BAD!? …. But, for all I know, maybe they just didn’t have the right idea how to do it. Making a Walking Dead game was still something new at the time, and they were still trying to make something like the Walking Dead into a game……. Is what I would say if it wasn’t for the fact that Telltale had already done this before and better. Telltale’s the Walking Dead is how to do a Walking Dead game RIGHT. te actually enjoy the characters and story, and your actions change the game, with each choice being very hard, and each choice having consequences. And that game was released in 2012, when Survival Instincts was released in fucking 2013. So, with that information, there is no longer an excuse to make this game this bad. THIS GAME SUCKS JUST FOR THE SAKE OF FUCKING SUCKING!
Wow… I don’t believe it. Fifty dollars for this piece of shit. This may be the worst game in my entire game collection, and it doesn’t fucking help that it costs fifty fucking dollars. And the worst part- The fucking worst part- Is that the same giorno I paid fifty dollars for this goddamn game, I also bought Metal Gear Solid HD Collection AND Red Dead Redemption, both in my superiore, in alto ten games of all time, for fucking TEN DOLLARS EACH! I am not fucking kidding. te have great games at low prices, but it costs a fortune just to torture yourself. Don’t buy this game. You’d have più fun just tossing fifty bucks out the fucking window than te would spending it on this piece of shit. But, hey, that’s only my opinion. What’s Your Take.
Art by Deathding
